Hornyscopes
A friend sent this to me today. Thought I should share it with all you boys and girls out there so you can find your perfect mate :-) Some are so true, so true. And some are just full of crap. Atleast my best sex toy are handcuffs! *wink*
AQUARIUS
Jan 21 - Feb 19
Ruling Planet: URANUS. The God of unexpected sexual twists and turns
Aquarians make much better friends than lovers, but when a typical Aquarian gets some bang-bang, it's more an intellectual experience than an emotional one. Looks aren't important to Aquarians in a relationship, it's the mind and spirit of a lover that turns Aquarius on. They are very entertaining in bed and are probably the most inventive of all the signs. Mental stimulation is more important to them than physical, which means that pornography gets them hot! Aquarians are impatient and like sex to be fast and satisfying. They are very particular about hygiene and contraception and sleeping around holds little interest for them.
FAVE POSITION
Mutual masturbation.
BEST SEX TOY
A Dildo. Whether gay, straight, male or female, Aquarians will have some fun with this.
AQUARIUS MALE IN BED
He has amazing staying power in the sack. He can keep at it and control himself for as long as it takes for YOU to finish! He's up for anything too. Role playing, S&M, posing nude in the backyard at 5am! he's just not into 3somes, swinging or open relationships if YOU are involved. He'll do that for fun, but not with the love of his life.
AQUARIUS FEMALE IN BED
She's looking for a lover who will be upfront with her, but until she finds him, she will make do with whoever is available. LOVE freaks her out. She likes keeping her emotions under tight control and may come across as cold, but she's just protecting herself.
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON AQUARIUS
Lie down as if you are top and tailing and gently tickle and stroke the ankles and the calves. Don't tickle for giggles, but tease. After awhile, do the same with your tongue. Lick up, down and all around. Anywhere above the foot and below the knee is fair game. Lightly nip the ankle of your Aquarian, they may laugh, but it's not laughter from tickles, it's a release of tension that will most definitely lead to some action!
PISCES
Feb 20 - March 20
Ruling Planet: NEPTUNE
The God in charge of delicious dreams, dangerous deceptions and sexual fantasies
Sexually speaking, Pisces is putty in your hands. Anything you want, anything, is only a question away. If you're looking for someone who will go the extra mile to discover all your secret moan zones, then Pisces is for you! When a typical Piscean makes out, it's an act of romance rather than pure pleasure. Pisces is the sign of love itself. They are so romantic and want satin sheets and candles, poetry and a full moon. Music also gets them in the mood. One of their least appetizing traits is their ability to become very, very jealous. Sometimes they are so scared of losing the fairy-tale romance that they ruin the happy! ending themselves.
FAVE POSITION
Pisces is all about Oral affections!
BEST SEX TOY
A copy of the Kama Sutra, since your fish is into almost anything
PISCES MALE IN BED
He is romantic and has the reputation of being a womanizer. The girlfriend of a Piscean man should keep her eye on the ball as he can be a bit flighty. But he does make an excellent lover. He's from the old school that sex should be an almost out of body experience, and if he's showering his attentions on you, you're in for a hell of a good ride!
PISCES FEMALE IN BED
She needs romance. It's the very air that she breathes. She needs to be held gently and whispered sweet nothings to but when it comes to between the sheets action, she's never happy doing the same ol', same ol' when she knows there are more exciting options at hand.
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON PISCES
The Pisces Zesty-zone is their feet! If you want to make Pisces your Love Slave, start with a warm, scented footbath and soak their feet for 10 minutes. Then sit in front of them, cross-legged, and rub their feet firmly through the water. Use kneading motions that run from their ankles to the tips of their toes. After 5 minutes, get a scrub brush and clean their tootsies with lots of TLC, dry them off and lightly massage peppermint oil all over their feet, paying close attention to between their toes. Pisces REALLY gets off on this! Once oiled up, gently kiss each toe, one by one. Then let your tongue take over and you're in baby!!!
ARIES
March 21-April 20
Ruling Planet: MARS
The bonk now/think later God of War, aggression and action!
Sexually, Aries is an explosion waiting to happen! The excitement is often in the chase more than the actual conquest though and while they may appear to want to dominate, they do not want a submissive partner. Routine brings boredom to sex for Aries, so if you're only comfortable with the missionary position, go for another sign, but if you like forceful personalities and enjoy pretending you're a human Twistie, then you've found paradise with an Aries.
FAVE POSITION
Always on top and always in charge
BEST SEX TOY
Handcuffs! Like I said, Aries likes to take charge!
ARIES MALE IN BED
The Aries male is loud, domineering and 100% stud! He's from the bump n grind school of lovemaking so if you're looking for romantic dinners by candlelight and long walks on the beach, keep looking! He's the original 5-minute man so if you're turned on by ultra-macho grunt-and-groaning types, you've just found your ticket to heaven! He's not prone to cheat unless you bore him in bed and he likes sex fast and furious baby!
ARIES FEMALE IN BED
She views sex as more of a physical act than something from a soppy romance novel. If you're a bored exec and want to find out what it's like to be treated like a piece of meat, then go for a one night stand with an Aries chick. She'll be gone before you wake up and may not remember your name the next time you meet. She's got a touch of KINK to her personality so don't get freaked out when she talks dirty or puts you over her knee for a spanking. She's all woman, but are you man enough to handle her?
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON ARIES
If you want to seduce an Aries, running your fingers through their hair is an awesome starting point! And licking and nibbling around their face or neck will get them going ! too! Just be careful to keep your saliva at bay. Drool is not cool!
TAURUS
April 21 - May 21
Ruling Planet: VENUS
The Goddess in charge of love, beauty and sex
Taureans are ahead of the game when it comes to love coz they are ruled by VENUS, the planet of Love! Taurus has all the qualities a lover desires, including sensuality, loyalty and faithfulness. When a typical Taurus makes love, it's the most physical and natural pleasure in the world. They believe the romantic approach to sex almost always pays off so they will happily cook dinner, buy flowers, and light candles for someone they wanna bang. They don't like to rush things and take everything, including sex, slowly.
FAVE POSITION
The one Taurus enjoys most is the Missionary. Some may say this is so unadventurous, but Taurus is very practical and this is the most comfortable.
BEST SEX TOY
A battery powered "erotic massager"
TAURUS MALE IN BED
The Taurean man needs a woman who will want to stay home to eat and make love. He can be stubborn and is known to sulk like a little boy, but he LOVES making up!! (Rrrrow!) He likes to take things slow and gently and can last for hours, always waiting for HER to finish before rolling over to sleep.
TAURUS FEMALE IN BED
She is great at back massages and sex in general. She makes an art of lovemaking. Just kissing her can bring some men to the big "O". Her touch is gentle and tender, it excites and caresses and when in the mood, she too can go for hours at a time, days on end.
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON TAURUS
There's nothing Taurus enjoys more than having their neck kissed and their earlobes nibbled. Light, feathery caresses up and down the neck followed by gentle licks, no biting, will make a female writhe with delight and a male stand at attention within seconds.
GEMINI
May 22 - June 21
Ruling Planet: MERCURY
The swiftest God in the skies, who also happens to be in charge of ultra-extreme raunchy talk
Talking about sex is Gemini's favourite hobby and doing it comes a close second. Gemini's love flirting and lap up attention from the opposite sex, but sometimes that's all they're looking for. They need a lot of variety when it comes to sex - dirty weekends away, a quickie in a shop doorway, serious groping under the table at a fancy restaurant. A lot of Gemini's are bisexual too and can often be drawn to those of the same sex.
FAVE POSITION
As long as it's different every time, they're not fussy, but if they must choose, it's that naughty number right after 68, since they can come up for air if they need to.
BEST SEX TOY
Any illustrated book about kinky sex, so Gemini can pick up some wild, new ideas
GEMINI MALE IN BED
He likes to give AND receive and can be quite inventive. He's a lights on, in front of the mirror kinda guy and if you make a few subtle noises and talk a wee bit dirty, he'll be very happy.
GEMINI FEMALE IN BED
She is more interested in IQ than private parts. If she can't respect the intellect, then satisfaction is not possible for her. She may sleep around forever and never find her true love and she is not the most faithful of the signs. She likes sex on the run, in an airplane toilet, in the storeroom at work, in the backseat of a car.
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON GEMINI
Focus on the shoulders, arms and legs of a Gemini and you're headed for the good books. They love a good massage and their hands are so sensitive that even having their fingernails played with sends shivers up their spine! Kiss up and down each of your Gemini's arms, sneak in a few licks, nips and nibbles. If you get one or two yelps, then you know you're doing something right. Then, move onto the fingers, slowly kiss, lick, nip and nibble each fingertip, then pull out the killer move - suck on each finger, slowly, as if it's a lollipop. I'll almost offer a money back guarantee on this one working!
CANCER
June 22 - July 23
Ruling Planet: THE MOON
Which isn't a planet at all but the satellite responsible for this water sign's many mood swings!
Love and sex go together for Cancer. They need to feel secure in love before they can relax in sex and Cancer often feels a little bit guilty after doing the deed because they usually associate sex with babies, especially the women, who either get pregnant at the drop of a hat or take longer than usual. All Cancers WANT to be parents! Cancers become sexually excited when they feel secure. They are turned on by home cooked meals and partners who love kids. In so many ways, Cancer is the dream partner!
FAVE POSITION
Any position that's comfortable and involves Cancer lying flat on their back with all their sensitive areas exposed!
BEST SEX TOY
A drink or joint that will relax the overly-cautious crab!
CANCER MALE IN BED
He is a sensitive lover and will put his partner's needs before his own. He has a tenderness about him that drives women wild! If the Cancer guy decides he's in it for the long haul, he'll do whatever it takes to keep his lover happy in and out of the bedroom. Oh, and he's a BREAST man!!
CANCER FEMALE IN BED
She oozes sexiness and is born to mate!! Compliments and kissing will win her over, so as you're nibbling on her ear, whisper "you're so beautiful" to get her quivering. Perhaps the Vincent (Big Brother) growl would work on a Cancer woman?
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON CANCER
Concentrate on the breasts and pecs of Cancer to really get them going. Start by kissing and brushing up against them. Licking the Cancer female's nipple through her top will excite her, but don't 'dive right in' coz you're likely to scare her. It's the complete opposite for the Cancer male who will LOVE it if you get straight to the point. Squeeze his pecs and bite his bod and you'll have him bouncing off the walls in no time!
LEO
July 24 - August 23
Ruling Planet: THE SUN
Which isn't a planet at all, but a star, and just like Leo's opinion of themselves, it's the centre of our solar system!
Leos can be very 'into themselves' when they bonk. It's not that they don't make their partner feel special, it's just that they often forget about them as they secretly high-five themselves for scoring again! Leo does actually want more from a partner than just sex though. Leo wants love and friendship too. They can be very romantic, but when they get into bed, it's not an experience they're about to have, it's a show! They like to perform ... and they take requests! "Doing it" is the ultimate stress buster for Leo and they are pretty damn good at it, but they need constant praise for their outstanding performance.
FAVE POSITION
Receiving 'oral affections', since Leo is all about getting serviced!
BEST SEX TOY
A camera, or a game of Strip Poker will get the cat purring or perhaps you can use them both together!
LEO MALE IN BED
You are the King of the Jungle and expect to be treated that way! You are a good lover because you don't like to fail at anything. You are sexy and have an aura of sexiness that is difficult to deny. But, you will let anyone adore you, so your partner has to make the effort or you will pad off to your next Lioness!!
LEO FEMALE IN BED
You are elegant and sexy without even trying. Men love you and women want to be you. You like to play cat and mouse with men and command respect. In bed, you are a real panther and can scare the pants off most men. You adore raw sex, so your partner should go with you and enjoy it. You're a once in a lifetime experience!
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON LEO
A Leo's 'moan zone' is his or her back. First of all, ask your Leo to roll onto his/her tummy. Start with a gentle scratch that runs from the top of the ass to the base of the skull. I'm not talking about tender tickles or a tantalizing tease - I mean a REAL back scratch, coz if there's one thing cats love, it's a scratch! After a minute or so, get out the massage oil and spill it into a snakey pattern on Leo's back. Then rub all over. Keep doing this until you know Leo is ready to roll over. If they start falling asleep, give them a gentle prod in a delicate place! Once Leo is ready to roll over, don't let them! Leo will be excited by your control. YOU decide when it's time to 'flip your feline' over and get into the good stuff!
VIRGO
August 24 - September 23
Ruling Planet: Mercury
The God in charge of intellect and speed but don't worry because Virgo likes to take their time in the sack!! Virgos have two sides to their personality. The Virgin and the Vixen. They may want you to THINK they are all sweet and virginal, but they are definitely NOT! However, Virgos are looking for a long term partner, not a one night stand or an affair! They tend to seduce with finesse, charm and sublety so you may not even realize you're being lured by a Virgo!! Once Virgo has been in a relationship for awhile, they get engrossed in housework and things like that, which can cause a serious dip in libido. Do NOT let this happen! They are definitely more of a "can we cuddle instead" sign that a 'let's get it on!' one when committed.
FAVE POSITION
Almost anything, as long as it involves eye contact!
BEST SEX TOY
It's more of a game. Write down five wild sex acts and put them in a bowl. Get Virgo to pick one out at random, and then do what you're told!! Virgo LOVES spontaneous sexuality!
VIRGO MALE IN BED
You can be quite boring at times because you have set views on how a woman should be. You don't mean to criticize or offend, but your perfectionist ways may drive your lover loopy! You DO have some kinky ideas though, but it is difficult to get to the bottom of your passion! You are a creature of habit, so if your lover can get you into the habit of sleeping with her, who knows what might happen?
VIRGO FEMALE IN BED
You are hardworking and careful about your appearance, but you really do fantasize about getting down and dirty! You are a secret romantic and crave the perfect lover. Since the perfect lover doesn't exist, you'll take what you can get! You are quite insecure and need a partner who will adore you. You have strong passion beneath that practical exterior and are just waiting for someone to unearth it!
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON VIRGO
Virgo's have a VERY sexually sensitive tummy!! If you wanna make them putty in your hands, stroke, lick and kiss their stomach!! The area from the bellybutton DOWN! Once you have them squirming, you can have anything you want!! Just remember to keep one hand on their tummy at all times!!
LIBRA
September 24 - October 23
Ruling Planet: Venus - The planet in charge of beauty, love peace, and stirring sensuality
Libra is one of the sexiest signs in the zodiac, but if Libra can't get what they want from one lover, they will opt for two! They are notorious for having double standards in that situation too. They'll look you in the eye and say "never cheat on me, coz I would never do it to you", even when they have a hot night of passion planned with someone else!
Librans are more turned on 'giving' than 'receiving'. They have a big heart and are the least selfish sign of the Zodiac. Libras are not very open about their thoughts or fantasies. They'd rather say nothing than tell the truth and offend or embarrass you. In bed, it takes a while for them to be comfortable enough to tell you exactly what they want.
FAVE POSITION
As long as they are lying down, they're happy!
BEST SEX TOY
K.Y. Jelly. I will say no more!
LIBRA MALE IN BED
The Libra man sees sex as an exciting adventure and he'd be very keen to do it in kinky places like a restaurant toilet! He likes being a bad boy if ! there's a chance he might get caught. He'll try out any fantasy you have, but whether or not you can keep a tight hold on his heart remains to be seen. However, he can be a bit of a pushover, and is perfect husband material, and he'd prefer his lover to take the lead. He is romantic and considerate but may suffer from Premature Ejaculation!
LIBRA FEMALE IN BED
The only thing that separates Libra men and women is what's between their legs! Libra girl wants a strong man who understands that she needs her individuality and freedom. She is turned off by burping, farting, and bad breath. Good personal hygiene is crucial if you want to get to 2nd base. Librans are very good at lying to get their own way. When your Libra girl groans in bed, look into her eyes to make sure she's not 'faking it'.
THE BEST WA! Y TO TURN ON LIBRA
Libra's Love Zone is their lower back and butt, so please, squeeze and pat your Libra's butt whenever you get a chance. When you're kissing, reach under his or her top and stroke the lower part of their back, starting in the middle and working your way down to their butt. Take your time and be gentle! To really drive your Libra wild? Have you ever heard of the term 'Rimming'??? Does it surprise you that a high percentage of Libras are gay?
SCORPIO
October 24 - November 22
Ruling Planet: PLUTO, The Roman God of the dead, beginnings and endings. Which basically means that Scorpios add novel differences to any relationship.
Scorpios are very possessive. They will tense up if you even LOOK at another hottie across the room. But they can be relied on to always be there for you if you need them. You may never really know what your Scorpio is thinking though, because to them, Knowledge is power and they are very good at putting on a straight face to cover up any emotion they are feeling. Scorpios love sex. The dirtier, the better. Get them excited by revealing your filthiest fantasy and offering to act it out.
FAVE POSITION:
Anything, as long as it involves dominating your ass.
BEST SEX TOY:
Ben Wah Balls for the girls, and a Riding Crop for the boys
SCORPIO MALE IN BED
His sexuality is so strong, it will make you dizzy!! If you are lucky enough to be with a Scorpio boy, you will always be satisfied!! There's a rumour that the Scorpio man is the most skilled in bed. It's as true as a black man has a giant wang!!! Most are pretty good!! The only thing you don't wanna do is piss him off. Every little thing you do that he doesn't like, he will file away in his little mental rolodex. Piss him off one too many times, and he will wreak his revenge!!!
SCORPIO FEMALE IN BED
She may look like a quiet, shy girl, but in bed she is NOT! She is a wildly passionate woman, who is DYNAMO is the bedroom. Just don't piss her off either, coz she can more vengeful than a Scorpio man, and she has no problem causing a scene! Don't talk about other women, or play hard to get, because she will get you back, and it's a game
of one-upmanship you will never win.
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON SCORPIO
Since this is one of the horniest signs, it makes sense that their moan zone is between their legs! Then again, their big head (or their mind) is just as easy to turn on. Talking dirty and teasing your Scorpio will get them ready and randy in a flash!! Without getting too graphic, the magic words for today are RUB, RUB, RUB.
SAGITTARIUS
November 23 - December 22
Ruling Planet: JUPITER, God of money, luck and good times between the sheets.
Sagos are playful, laid back and oh-so fun to party with. They are wild, and may be the BADDEST party people you ever meet! One thing to be wary of is that Sagos like to talk BULLSHIT! Don't believe everything they tell you because they are kings at 'talking it up'. If you happen to score a one-nighter with a Sago, be prepared to do stuff you've NEVER done before! Sagos are spontaneous and adventurous and most have probably been caught doing it somewhere public. When they find the right lover, they will give it 100% as long as the commitment is returned.
FAVE POSITION:
They are up for anything. Quality AND Quantity.
BEST SEX TOY:
Handwrite a sexual fantasy of yours and leave it on their pillow. You'll be surprised at what happens next!
SAGITTARIAN MALE IN BED
Even if he's fat, balding and middle aged, he can still pull the chicks. It's his love and pursuit of happiness that draws the babes to him. Think "Austin Powers"! baby, yeah! He is a wee bit selfish though, so be prepared for an "all about me" attitude in the sack. He LOVES doing it, and if you start holding out on him, he's likely to get it somewhere else.
SAGITTARIAN FEMALE IN BED
The Sago woman is a handful! She changes her mind more often than she shaves her armpits, is blunt, oversensitive and takes offense at the strangest things. She's adventurous in the bedroom and also has no problems cheating if her needs are not fulfilled. But can you handle her open-minded sexuality? She will hide her emotions from you, but don't make the mistake of hiding yours from her. She's looking for someone she can trust 100%, but is quite hypocritical since she can be very untrustworthy herself.
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON SAGITTARIUS
Hips and thighs are extremely sensual for a Sago, so concentrate on massaging and stroking that area and the place in between! Don't be afraid to ask your Sago if you're doing it right coz they would LOVE to tell you! The best way to get them going is to grope their inner thigh in a public place!
CAPRICORN
December 23 - January 20
Ruling Planet: SATURN - The God who oversees time, discipline and dedication, which means Capricorn! can go the distance - with major staying power - in bed and beyond!! Capricorns are very good at hiding their emotions, so it's often hard to tell when they are truly, deeply in love. If you have a load of cash, you can almost bet on admiration from a Capricorn because the goat is turned on by money. Like I said before, Capricorn has great sexual stamina and the ability to go all night if they want to!
FAVE POSITION:
Spooning! Goat boys and girls love to take, or be taken from behind.
BEST SEX TOY:
An office desk to "bond" on, or an erotic video will loosen up the randy goat.
CAPRICORN MALE IN BED
Imagination isn't a strong suit for Capricorn so! don't expect acrobatics in the sack. Sex with him could possibly be as boring as watching paint dry and he tends to be a little bit selfish in that area too. BUT you can definitely count on him to be faithful if he has committed to you.
CAPRICORN FEMALE IN BED
She is strong and confident and likes to run the show! She's a tough nut to crack but once inside her shell, she's as sweet as caramel. Her fave position may be missionary, but she seeks excitement in new locations, so experiment with different venues to keep it interesting.
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON CAPRICORN
Capricorns are the most anal signs of the zodiac, so buttering them up will take a bit of effort. Believe it or not, their erotic area is the knees! Lightly stroke their legs, paying close attention to the knee region. Licking, kissing, and nibbling the area will get them squirming
Jan 21 - Feb 19
Ruling Planet: URANUS. The God of unexpected sexual twists and turns
Aquarians make much better friends than lovers, but when a typical Aquarian gets some bang-bang, it's more an intellectual experience than an emotional one. Looks aren't important to Aquarians in a relationship, it's the mind and spirit of a lover that turns Aquarius on. They are very entertaining in bed and are probably the most inventive of all the signs. Mental stimulation is more important to them than physical, which means that pornography gets them hot! Aquarians are impatient and like sex to be fast and satisfying. They are very particular about hygiene and contraception and sleeping around holds little interest for them.
FAVE POSITION
Mutual masturbation.
BEST SEX TOY
A Dildo. Whether gay, straight, male or female, Aquarians will have some fun with this.
AQUARIUS MALE IN BED
He has amazing staying power in the sack. He can keep at it and control himself for as long as it takes for YOU to finish! He's up for anything too. Role playing, S&M, posing nude in the backyard at 5am! he's just not into 3somes, swinging or open relationships if YOU are involved. He'll do that for fun, but not with the love of his life.
AQUARIUS FEMALE IN BED
She's looking for a lover who will be upfront with her, but until she finds him, she will make do with whoever is available. LOVE freaks her out. She likes keeping her emotions under tight control and may come across as cold, but she's just protecting herself.
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON AQUARIUS
Lie down as if you are top and tailing and gently tickle and stroke the ankles and the calves. Don't tickle for giggles, but tease. After awhile, do the same with your tongue. Lick up, down and all around. Anywhere above the foot and below the knee is fair game. Lightly nip the ankle of your Aquarian, they may laugh, but it's not laughter from tickles, it's a release of tension that will most definitely lead to some action!
PISCES
Feb 20 - March 20
Ruling Planet: NEPTUNE
The God in charge of delicious dreams, dangerous deceptions and sexual fantasies
Sexually speaking, Pisces is putty in your hands. Anything you want, anything, is only a question away. If you're looking for someone who will go the extra mile to discover all your secret moan zones, then Pisces is for you! When a typical Piscean makes out, it's an act of romance rather than pure pleasure. Pisces is the sign of love itself. They are so romantic and want satin sheets and candles, poetry and a full moon. Music also gets them in the mood. One of their least appetizing traits is their ability to become very, very jealous. Sometimes they are so scared of losing the fairy-tale romance that they ruin the happy! ending themselves.
FAVE POSITION
Pisces is all about Oral affections!
BEST SEX TOY
A copy of the Kama Sutra, since your fish is into almost anything
PISCES MALE IN BED
He is romantic and has the reputation of being a womanizer. The girlfriend of a Piscean man should keep her eye on the ball as he can be a bit flighty. But he does make an excellent lover. He's from the old school that sex should be an almost out of body experience, and if he's showering his attentions on you, you're in for a hell of a good ride!
PISCES FEMALE IN BED
She needs romance. It's the very air that she breathes. She needs to be held gently and whispered sweet nothings to but when it comes to between the sheets action, she's never happy doing the same ol', same ol' when she knows there are more exciting options at hand.
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON PISCES
The Pisces Zesty-zone is their feet! If you want to make Pisces your Love Slave, start with a warm, scented footbath and soak their feet for 10 minutes. Then sit in front of them, cross-legged, and rub their feet firmly through the water. Use kneading motions that run from their ankles to the tips of their toes. After 5 minutes, get a scrub brush and clean their tootsies with lots of TLC, dry them off and lightly massage peppermint oil all over their feet, paying close attention to between their toes. Pisces REALLY gets off on this! Once oiled up, gently kiss each toe, one by one. Then let your tongue take over and you're in baby!!!
ARIES
March 21-April 20
Ruling Planet: MARS
The bonk now/think later God of War, aggression and action!
Sexually, Aries is an explosion waiting to happen! The excitement is often in the chase more than the actual conquest though and while they may appear to want to dominate, they do not want a submissive partner. Routine brings boredom to sex for Aries, so if you're only comfortable with the missionary position, go for another sign, but if you like forceful personalities and enjoy pretending you're a human Twistie, then you've found paradise with an Aries.
FAVE POSITION
Always on top and always in charge
BEST SEX TOY
Handcuffs! Like I said, Aries likes to take charge!
ARIES MALE IN BED
The Aries male is loud, domineering and 100% stud! He's from the bump n grind school of lovemaking so if you're looking for romantic dinners by candlelight and long walks on the beach, keep looking! He's the original 5-minute man so if you're turned on by ultra-macho grunt-and-groaning types, you've just found your ticket to heaven! He's not prone to cheat unless you bore him in bed and he likes sex fast and furious baby!
ARIES FEMALE IN BED
She views sex as more of a physical act than something from a soppy romance novel. If you're a bored exec and want to find out what it's like to be treated like a piece of meat, then go for a one night stand with an Aries chick. She'll be gone before you wake up and may not remember your name the next time you meet. She's got a touch of KINK to her personality so don't get freaked out when she talks dirty or puts you over her knee for a spanking. She's all woman, but are you man enough to handle her?
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON ARIES
If you want to seduce an Aries, running your fingers through their hair is an awesome starting point! And licking and nibbling around their face or neck will get them going ! too! Just be careful to keep your saliva at bay. Drool is not cool!
TAURUS
April 21 - May 21
Ruling Planet: VENUS
The Goddess in charge of love, beauty and sex
Taureans are ahead of the game when it comes to love coz they are ruled by VENUS, the planet of Love! Taurus has all the qualities a lover desires, including sensuality, loyalty and faithfulness. When a typical Taurus makes love, it's the most physical and natural pleasure in the world. They believe the romantic approach to sex almost always pays off so they will happily cook dinner, buy flowers, and light candles for someone they wanna bang. They don't like to rush things and take everything, including sex, slowly.
FAVE POSITION
The one Taurus enjoys most is the Missionary. Some may say this is so unadventurous, but Taurus is very practical and this is the most comfortable.
BEST SEX TOY
A battery powered "erotic massager"
TAURUS MALE IN BED
The Taurean man needs a woman who will want to stay home to eat and make love. He can be stubborn and is known to sulk like a little boy, but he LOVES making up!! (Rrrrow!) He likes to take things slow and gently and can last for hours, always waiting for HER to finish before rolling over to sleep.
TAURUS FEMALE IN BED
She is great at back massages and sex in general. She makes an art of lovemaking. Just kissing her can bring some men to the big "O". Her touch is gentle and tender, it excites and caresses and when in the mood, she too can go for hours at a time, days on end.
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON TAURUS
There's nothing Taurus enjoys more than having their neck kissed and their earlobes nibbled. Light, feathery caresses up and down the neck followed by gentle licks, no biting, will make a female writhe with delight and a male stand at attention within seconds.
GEMINI
May 22 - June 21
Ruling Planet: MERCURY
The swiftest God in the skies, who also happens to be in charge of ultra-extreme raunchy talk
Talking about sex is Gemini's favourite hobby and doing it comes a close second. Gemini's love flirting and lap up attention from the opposite sex, but sometimes that's all they're looking for. They need a lot of variety when it comes to sex - dirty weekends away, a quickie in a shop doorway, serious groping under the table at a fancy restaurant. A lot of Gemini's are bisexual too and can often be drawn to those of the same sex.
FAVE POSITION
As long as it's different every time, they're not fussy, but if they must choose, it's that naughty number right after 68, since they can come up for air if they need to.
BEST SEX TOY
Any illustrated book about kinky sex, so Gemini can pick up some wild, new ideas
GEMINI MALE IN BED
He likes to give AND receive and can be quite inventive. He's a lights on, in front of the mirror kinda guy and if you make a few subtle noises and talk a wee bit dirty, he'll be very happy.
GEMINI FEMALE IN BED
She is more interested in IQ than private parts. If she can't respect the intellect, then satisfaction is not possible for her. She may sleep around forever and never find her true love and she is not the most faithful of the signs. She likes sex on the run, in an airplane toilet, in the storeroom at work, in the backseat of a car.
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON GEMINI
Focus on the shoulders, arms and legs of a Gemini and you're headed for the good books. They love a good massage and their hands are so sensitive that even having their fingernails played with sends shivers up their spine! Kiss up and down each of your Gemini's arms, sneak in a few licks, nips and nibbles. If you get one or two yelps, then you know you're doing something right. Then, move onto the fingers, slowly kiss, lick, nip and nibble each fingertip, then pull out the killer move - suck on each finger, slowly, as if it's a lollipop. I'll almost offer a money back guarantee on this one working!
CANCER
June 22 - July 23
Ruling Planet: THE MOON
Which isn't a planet at all but the satellite responsible for this water sign's many mood swings!
Love and sex go together for Cancer. They need to feel secure in love before they can relax in sex and Cancer often feels a little bit guilty after doing the deed because they usually associate sex with babies, especially the women, who either get pregnant at the drop of a hat or take longer than usual. All Cancers WANT to be parents! Cancers become sexually excited when they feel secure. They are turned on by home cooked meals and partners who love kids. In so many ways, Cancer is the dream partner!
FAVE POSITION
Any position that's comfortable and involves Cancer lying flat on their back with all their sensitive areas exposed!
BEST SEX TOY
A drink or joint that will relax the overly-cautious crab!
CANCER MALE IN BED
He is a sensitive lover and will put his partner's needs before his own. He has a tenderness about him that drives women wild! If the Cancer guy decides he's in it for the long haul, he'll do whatever it takes to keep his lover happy in and out of the bedroom. Oh, and he's a BREAST man!!
CANCER FEMALE IN BED
She oozes sexiness and is born to mate!! Compliments and kissing will win her over, so as you're nibbling on her ear, whisper "you're so beautiful" to get her quivering. Perhaps the Vincent (Big Brother) growl would work on a Cancer woman?
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON CANCER
Concentrate on the breasts and pecs of Cancer to really get them going. Start by kissing and brushing up against them. Licking the Cancer female's nipple through her top will excite her, but don't 'dive right in' coz you're likely to scare her. It's the complete opposite for the Cancer male who will LOVE it if you get straight to the point. Squeeze his pecs and bite his bod and you'll have him bouncing off the walls in no time!
LEO
July 24 - August 23
Ruling Planet: THE SUN
Which isn't a planet at all, but a star, and just like Leo's opinion of themselves, it's the centre of our solar system!
Leos can be very 'into themselves' when they bonk. It's not that they don't make their partner feel special, it's just that they often forget about them as they secretly high-five themselves for scoring again! Leo does actually want more from a partner than just sex though. Leo wants love and friendship too. They can be very romantic, but when they get into bed, it's not an experience they're about to have, it's a show! They like to perform ... and they take requests! "Doing it" is the ultimate stress buster for Leo and they are pretty damn good at it, but they need constant praise for their outstanding performance.
FAVE POSITION
Receiving 'oral affections', since Leo is all about getting serviced!
BEST SEX TOY
A camera, or a game of Strip Poker will get the cat purring or perhaps you can use them both together!
LEO MALE IN BED
You are the King of the Jungle and expect to be treated that way! You are a good lover because you don't like to fail at anything. You are sexy and have an aura of sexiness that is difficult to deny. But, you will let anyone adore you, so your partner has to make the effort or you will pad off to your next Lioness!!
LEO FEMALE IN BED
You are elegant and sexy without even trying. Men love you and women want to be you. You like to play cat and mouse with men and command respect. In bed, you are a real panther and can scare the pants off most men. You adore raw sex, so your partner should go with you and enjoy it. You're a once in a lifetime experience!
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON LEO
A Leo's 'moan zone' is his or her back. First of all, ask your Leo to roll onto his/her tummy. Start with a gentle scratch that runs from the top of the ass to the base of the skull. I'm not talking about tender tickles or a tantalizing tease - I mean a REAL back scratch, coz if there's one thing cats love, it's a scratch! After a minute or so, get out the massage oil and spill it into a snakey pattern on Leo's back. Then rub all over. Keep doing this until you know Leo is ready to roll over. If they start falling asleep, give them a gentle prod in a delicate place! Once Leo is ready to roll over, don't let them! Leo will be excited by your control. YOU decide when it's time to 'flip your feline' over and get into the good stuff!
VIRGO
August 24 - September 23
Ruling Planet: Mercury
The God in charge of intellect and speed but don't worry because Virgo likes to take their time in the sack!! Virgos have two sides to their personality. The Virgin and the Vixen. They may want you to THINK they are all sweet and virginal, but they are definitely NOT! However, Virgos are looking for a long term partner, not a one night stand or an affair! They tend to seduce with finesse, charm and sublety so you may not even realize you're being lured by a Virgo!! Once Virgo has been in a relationship for awhile, they get engrossed in housework and things like that, which can cause a serious dip in libido. Do NOT let this happen! They are definitely more of a "can we cuddle instead" sign that a 'let's get it on!' one when committed.
FAVE POSITION
Almost anything, as long as it involves eye contact!
BEST SEX TOY
It's more of a game. Write down five wild sex acts and put them in a bowl. Get Virgo to pick one out at random, and then do what you're told!! Virgo LOVES spontaneous sexuality!
VIRGO MALE IN BED
You can be quite boring at times because you have set views on how a woman should be. You don't mean to criticize or offend, but your perfectionist ways may drive your lover loopy! You DO have some kinky ideas though, but it is difficult to get to the bottom of your passion! You are a creature of habit, so if your lover can get you into the habit of sleeping with her, who knows what might happen?
VIRGO FEMALE IN BED
You are hardworking and careful about your appearance, but you really do fantasize about getting down and dirty! You are a secret romantic and crave the perfect lover. Since the perfect lover doesn't exist, you'll take what you can get! You are quite insecure and need a partner who will adore you. You have strong passion beneath that practical exterior and are just waiting for someone to unearth it!
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON VIRGO
Virgo's have a VERY sexually sensitive tummy!! If you wanna make them putty in your hands, stroke, lick and kiss their stomach!! The area from the bellybutton DOWN! Once you have them squirming, you can have anything you want!! Just remember to keep one hand on their tummy at all times!!
LIBRA
September 24 - October 23
Ruling Planet: Venus - The planet in charge of beauty, love peace, and stirring sensuality
Libra is one of the sexiest signs in the zodiac, but if Libra can't get what they want from one lover, they will opt for two! They are notorious for having double standards in that situation too. They'll look you in the eye and say "never cheat on me, coz I would never do it to you", even when they have a hot night of passion planned with someone else!
Librans are more turned on 'giving' than 'receiving'. They have a big heart and are the least selfish sign of the Zodiac. Libras are not very open about their thoughts or fantasies. They'd rather say nothing than tell the truth and offend or embarrass you. In bed, it takes a while for them to be comfortable enough to tell you exactly what they want.
FAVE POSITION
As long as they are lying down, they're happy!
BEST SEX TOY
K.Y. Jelly. I will say no more!
LIBRA MALE IN BED
The Libra man sees sex as an exciting adventure and he'd be very keen to do it in kinky places like a restaurant toilet! He likes being a bad boy if ! there's a chance he might get caught. He'll try out any fantasy you have, but whether or not you can keep a tight hold on his heart remains to be seen. However, he can be a bit of a pushover, and is perfect husband material, and he'd prefer his lover to take the lead. He is romantic and considerate but may suffer from Premature Ejaculation!
LIBRA FEMALE IN BED
The only thing that separates Libra men and women is what's between their legs! Libra girl wants a strong man who understands that she needs her individuality and freedom. She is turned off by burping, farting, and bad breath. Good personal hygiene is crucial if you want to get to 2nd base. Librans are very good at lying to get their own way. When your Libra girl groans in bed, look into her eyes to make sure she's not 'faking it'.
THE BEST WA! Y TO TURN ON LIBRA
Libra's Love Zone is their lower back and butt, so please, squeeze and pat your Libra's butt whenever you get a chance. When you're kissing, reach under his or her top and stroke the lower part of their back, starting in the middle and working your way down to their butt. Take your time and be gentle! To really drive your Libra wild? Have you ever heard of the term 'Rimming'??? Does it surprise you that a high percentage of Libras are gay?
SCORPIO
October 24 - November 22
Ruling Planet: PLUTO, The Roman God of the dead, beginnings and endings. Which basically means that Scorpios add novel differences to any relationship.
Scorpios are very possessive. They will tense up if you even LOOK at another hottie across the room. But they can be relied on to always be there for you if you need them. You may never really know what your Scorpio is thinking though, because to them, Knowledge is power and they are very good at putting on a straight face to cover up any emotion they are feeling. Scorpios love sex. The dirtier, the better. Get them excited by revealing your filthiest fantasy and offering to act it out.
FAVE POSITION:
Anything, as long as it involves dominating your ass.
BEST SEX TOY:
Ben Wah Balls for the girls, and a Riding Crop for the boys
SCORPIO MALE IN BED
His sexuality is so strong, it will make you dizzy!! If you are lucky enough to be with a Scorpio boy, you will always be satisfied!! There's a rumour that the Scorpio man is the most skilled in bed. It's as true as a black man has a giant wang!!! Most are pretty good!! The only thing you don't wanna do is piss him off. Every little thing you do that he doesn't like, he will file away in his little mental rolodex. Piss him off one too many times, and he will wreak his revenge!!!
SCORPIO FEMALE IN BED
She may look like a quiet, shy girl, but in bed she is NOT! She is a wildly passionate woman, who is DYNAMO is the bedroom. Just don't piss her off either, coz she can more vengeful than a Scorpio man, and she has no problem causing a scene! Don't talk about other women, or play hard to get, because she will get you back, and it's a game
of one-upmanship you will never win.
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON SCORPIO
Since this is one of the horniest signs, it makes sense that their moan zone is between their legs! Then again, their big head (or their mind) is just as easy to turn on. Talking dirty and teasing your Scorpio will get them ready and randy in a flash!! Without getting too graphic, the magic words for today are RUB, RUB, RUB.
SAGITTARIUS
November 23 - December 22
Ruling Planet: JUPITER, God of money, luck and good times between the sheets.
Sagos are playful, laid back and oh-so fun to party with. They are wild, and may be the BADDEST party people you ever meet! One thing to be wary of is that Sagos like to talk BULLSHIT! Don't believe everything they tell you because they are kings at 'talking it up'. If you happen to score a one-nighter with a Sago, be prepared to do stuff you've NEVER done before! Sagos are spontaneous and adventurous and most have probably been caught doing it somewhere public. When they find the right lover, they will give it 100% as long as the commitment is returned.
FAVE POSITION:
They are up for anything. Quality AND Quantity.
BEST SEX TOY:
Handwrite a sexual fantasy of yours and leave it on their pillow. You'll be surprised at what happens next!
SAGITTARIAN MALE IN BED
Even if he's fat, balding and middle aged, he can still pull the chicks. It's his love and pursuit of happiness that draws the babes to him. Think "Austin Powers"! baby, yeah! He is a wee bit selfish though, so be prepared for an "all about me" attitude in the sack. He LOVES doing it, and if you start holding out on him, he's likely to get it somewhere else.
SAGITTARIAN FEMALE IN BED
The Sago woman is a handful! She changes her mind more often than she shaves her armpits, is blunt, oversensitive and takes offense at the strangest things. She's adventurous in the bedroom and also has no problems cheating if her needs are not fulfilled. But can you handle her open-minded sexuality? She will hide her emotions from you, but don't make the mistake of hiding yours from her. She's looking for someone she can trust 100%, but is quite hypocritical since she can be very untrustworthy herself.
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON SAGITTARIUS
Hips and thighs are extremely sensual for a Sago, so concentrate on massaging and stroking that area and the place in between! Don't be afraid to ask your Sago if you're doing it right coz they would LOVE to tell you! The best way to get them going is to grope their inner thigh in a public place!
CAPRICORN
December 23 - January 20
Ruling Planet: SATURN - The God who oversees time, discipline and dedication, which means Capricorn! can go the distance - with major staying power - in bed and beyond!! Capricorns are very good at hiding their emotions, so it's often hard to tell when they are truly, deeply in love. If you have a load of cash, you can almost bet on admiration from a Capricorn because the goat is turned on by money. Like I said before, Capricorn has great sexual stamina and the ability to go all night if they want to!
FAVE POSITION:
Spooning! Goat boys and girls love to take, or be taken from behind.
BEST SEX TOY:
An office desk to "bond" on, or an erotic video will loosen up the randy goat.
CAPRICORN MALE IN BED
Imagination isn't a strong suit for Capricorn so! don't expect acrobatics in the sack. Sex with him could possibly be as boring as watching paint dry and he tends to be a little bit selfish in that area too. BUT you can definitely count on him to be faithful if he has committed to you.
CAPRICORN FEMALE IN BED
She is strong and confident and likes to run the show! She's a tough nut to crack but once inside her shell, she's as sweet as caramel. Her fave position may be missionary, but she seeks excitement in new locations, so experiment with different venues to keep it interesting.
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON CAPRICORN
Capricorns are the most anal signs of the zodiac, so buttering them up will take a bit of effort. Believe it or not, their erotic area is the knees! Lightly stroke their legs, paying close attention to the knee region. Licking, kissing, and nibbling the area will get them squirming
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